I have been so focused on mature women at the shelter that I paid little attention to other issues, until a few weeks ago when a young lady, (I later found out she was just 19,) came up to me and tearfully asked if she could talk to me. We went for a walk and she started telling me she had just been diagnosed with an STD and was late as well. She had become sexually active while at the shelter and made an obviously bad choice. The guy had since dumped her for someone else at the shelter and she was left not knowing what to do next. I took her to speak to the medical coordinator and made sure she received medical attention for the STD, luckily the pregnancy test came back negative, so that crisis was averted.
This is a sweet innocent girl of 19, with no life experience to speak of, raised in a small community and is in the street because her mother recently died and her father is too busy with his new family to be bothered with her. When she called and told him about her mother's death and asked to live with him, he refused, claiming she made her choice during the divorce several years ago, and she was over 18 and on her own. Personally I applaud her for making the choice to live with her mother, since the father cannot possibly much of a human being to put his grieving child at risk by refusing to provide for her because legally he no longer has to. Her mother died in March and she has been at the shelter about 3 month, totally at lose ends. I was just glad she felt comfortable enough to confide in me. We had many serious talks about her future and how to get her off the streets. We used my cellphone and her mother's address book to call relatives and family friends and after several weeks of trying we hit pure gold. Her mother's college room mate and her husband opened their heart and home to her. Her Mom's friend has already arranged for her to join in a grieve counseling group as soon as she arrives to help her deal with the death of her mother and her father's rejection.
They have made provisions for her to get a part time job for now and want her to go to college full time by next fall. She is overjoyed at the prospect even though it means flying across country, she has only flown once before in her life. We were actually able to shame her father into paying for her plane ticket and and I took her to the airport Friday morning. It was a happy and tearful good bye and she emailed that she arrived safely and loves it there. She knew her mom's friend and had spent a couple of summers with them when she was younger and her parents were going through a messy divorce.
While I did not mind helping the poor girl, I feel her counselor/case worker really dropped the ball, by not ferreting out options and possibilities for her. To leave an obviously naive 19 year old to her own devices, while still grieving the loss of a parent is unconscionable.. I shudder just thinking about what could have happened to her had she stayed at the shelter.
PlanetUSA
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Realities
This place is a family shelter, so they house men as well in order not to split up the family unit. That opens up a whole other can of worms. Most of these men are dogs (no nicer way to put it) and will mess around even in the shelter. Some of the women here are not much better by going for it. That of course creates lots of jealousies and arguments in families and the children as usual take the brunt of it. Mom and Dad are fighting, consequently distracted from supervising their children and the situation turns into chaos. As I said before, it is a warehouse for people and when people are left to their own devices in this type of situation, it brings out their worst qualities.
I especially feel sorry for women trying to escape domestic violence, the last thing they need, is to be subjected to a bunch of overbearing arrogant men, that have nothing to be arrogant about. They are not willing to care for the family they have but that does not stop them from starting another one with someone they just met..... in the shelter. I have seen that happen more than once since I have been here and the men are never held accountable.
It is all very sad and discouraging and mature women are especially vulnerable to bouts of depression.
If I ever questioned (and trust me I did...... many times) why I ended up in a shelter, I have come to realize that there is a purpose for me. There have to be changes implemented in how society views women below the poverty line. This is America in the 21st century and this is a serious issue and we have get serious about resolving it. It's not enough to do things right anymore we have to step up to the plate and do the right thing!
Can I bring about those changes? I'll never know unless I try! Will I fall flat on my face, probably, but I'll get up and try again until my vision is a reality.
When I first arrived at the shelter I was on a top bunk and my bunk mate was a rather difficult person (so everyone said). I just figured she was very private and did not want to make friends in low places, lol. I had been there about 3 weeks and got to know her a little, she did not have an easy live, an abusive husband (deceased) who had made her an introvert since she was not allowed to talk to people and her middle son had recently died. Her oldest son had wanted her to live with him and his family but her youngest son was getting paroled from prison, had to live with a family member and was not welcome at his brothers house. So Mom came to Bakersfield, stayed at the shelter waiting for one son to get paroled and for the estate of the other son to get settled. She was the sole beneficiary of a substantial estate and would be able to rent a place while her youngest son completed parole and then move where ever she wanted to. On a Saturday morning at 3AM I woke up and while climbing down off my top bunk almost stepped on my bunk mate. During the night she had collapsed on the dorm floor and had died there, with 40 people in the room getting up and down half the night, nobody saw, heard or did anything. When I went screaming down the hall to alert staff, an ambulance was called but it was obviously too late.
I found out later that she had been complaining about not feeling good for several days, but she was not very well liked so no one paid attention. We did not interact a great deal, I was filling in for the pastry chef at a busy restaurant, working 10 hour shifts and riding the bus for another 3 hours to get back and forth.
She had told me that Friday evening that she was meeting with her attorney on Monday to get the settlement check and then moving to a motel while looking for an apartment for her and her son. I still have nightmares and feel guilty for having taken a sleeping pill that night. This is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life, no one deserves to die like that! If I can be instrumental in preventing this from happening to someone else, I will have done the right thing and maybe I'll be able to sleep again.
It is all very sad and discouraging and mature women are especially vulnerable to bouts of depression.
If I ever questioned (and trust me I did...... many times) why I ended up in a shelter, I have come to realize that there is a purpose for me. There have to be changes implemented in how society views women below the poverty line. This is America in the 21st century and this is a serious issue and we have get serious about resolving it. It's not enough to do things right anymore we have to step up to the plate and do the right thing!
Can I bring about those changes? I'll never know unless I try! Will I fall flat on my face, probably, but I'll get up and try again until my vision is a reality.
When I first arrived at the shelter I was on a top bunk and my bunk mate was a rather difficult person (so everyone said). I just figured she was very private and did not want to make friends in low places, lol. I had been there about 3 weeks and got to know her a little, she did not have an easy live, an abusive husband (deceased) who had made her an introvert since she was not allowed to talk to people and her middle son had recently died. Her oldest son had wanted her to live with him and his family but her youngest son was getting paroled from prison, had to live with a family member and was not welcome at his brothers house. So Mom came to Bakersfield, stayed at the shelter waiting for one son to get paroled and for the estate of the other son to get settled. She was the sole beneficiary of a substantial estate and would be able to rent a place while her youngest son completed parole and then move where ever she wanted to. On a Saturday morning at 3AM I woke up and while climbing down off my top bunk almost stepped on my bunk mate. During the night she had collapsed on the dorm floor and had died there, with 40 people in the room getting up and down half the night, nobody saw, heard or did anything. When I went screaming down the hall to alert staff, an ambulance was called but it was obviously too late.
I found out later that she had been complaining about not feeling good for several days, but she was not very well liked so no one paid attention. We did not interact a great deal, I was filling in for the pastry chef at a busy restaurant, working 10 hour shifts and riding the bus for another 3 hours to get back and forth.
She had told me that Friday evening that she was meeting with her attorney on Monday to get the settlement check and then moving to a motel while looking for an apartment for her and her son. I still have nightmares and feel guilty for having taken a sleeping pill that night. This is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life, no one deserves to die like that! If I can be instrumental in preventing this from happening to someone else, I will have done the right thing and maybe I'll be able to sleep again.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Where there is no vision, the people perish. Proverbs 29:18
Having been a volunteer and resident at a homeless shelter for over a year I can see a tremendous need for transitional housing for indigent women over the age of 55. Many are displaced homemakers who through no fault of their own find themselves in the unattainable position of having no place to live with little or no resources. They are not yet old enough for social security (if they are even eligible) and very little opportunity to be able to secure employment in today’s economy.
Homeless shelters are designed for emergency housing, a few days or weeks at the most. Women are literally warehoused on bunk beds in a dormitory environment with no privacy and no future. Some have been there for years. There are small lockers for a few personal possessions and hygiene items, which, unless they are able to buy it themselves, have to be requisitioned from the warehouse and are only available certain days each month….in other words - it takes an act of congress to get anything. For most mature women, who have been productive, had careers and have raised families, having to "beg" for necessities is embarrassing. What these women need is a safe haven, were they can feel secure and can try to regain their balance to rebuild their lives, they do not need to be demoralized any further.
When mature women end up in a shelter the cause is usually a very traumatic life changing event like the death of a spouse and partner, having put their own life and career on hold to care for an elderly parent, an ugly divorce after 20+ years of marriage, or reaching the last straw in a long term abusive relationship, sometimes it is as simple as being laid off from work and not being able to find employment. Whatever the reason, their life is in shambles and they need more than emergency housing to put it back together.
Most of the women are able to work if given the opportunity and would like to be productive, but for many transportation is an issue. Public transportation is not always reliable, many times does not go close enough to the desired destination, leaving women vulnerable having to walk to and from bus stops in unsafe neighborhoods after dark.
My vision is to purchase a defunct motel or large ranch type house, remodel it to "platinum green standards" thereby creating a healthy, non toxic environment that is energy resourceful and at the same time a place were women can regain self worth, make peace with their current situation and start rebuilding their lives. Yoga classes and meditation will be incorporated into a health and fitness program for all residents.
Residents will be required to participate in the day to day operations of this facility, therefore keeping staff and salaries to a minimum. Our staff will be trained to search out available state and federal programs to assist residents to become self supporting again.
Our pilot facility will be kept small, limiting the residents to 20 approx, depending on the size. We are planning to make the facility pet friendly since having to surrender a loved pet to an animal shelter increases the stress and trauma of being homeless by a significant margin. Pet policies will be in place and only altered pets will be permitted. We will secure discounted veterinary services from a local animal clinic and solicit pet food donations from manufacturers and local stores. In order to assist residents, we will canvass the city for jobs, anything from full-time employment to part-time office help, catering parties, house cleaning, dog or babysitting and care giving. 2 vans, staffed by residents will provide transportation. My vision includes a garden were residents can grow organic vegetables, herbs and flowers. We will have a computer room and an area for art and crafts projects, i.e. painting, quilting, provide training and encourage residents to make and sell their items on-line. We would like to incorporate a small shop were residents can sell their crafts from handmade quilts and afghans to home-made candles and soaps to become more self sufficient. Everyone is entitled to live out their life in dignity and with pride and be productive as long as possible.
Our funding will come from corporate grants, corporate sponsors as well as local businesses and individual donors.
Homeless shelters are designed for emergency housing, a few days or weeks at the most. Women are literally warehoused on bunk beds in a dormitory environment with no privacy and no future. Some have been there for years. There are small lockers for a few personal possessions and hygiene items, which, unless they are able to buy it themselves, have to be requisitioned from the warehouse and are only available certain days each month….in other words - it takes an act of congress to get anything. For most mature women, who have been productive, had careers and have raised families, having to "beg" for necessities is embarrassing. What these women need is a safe haven, were they can feel secure and can try to regain their balance to rebuild their lives, they do not need to be demoralized any further.
When mature women end up in a shelter the cause is usually a very traumatic life changing event like the death of a spouse and partner, having put their own life and career on hold to care for an elderly parent, an ugly divorce after 20+ years of marriage, or reaching the last straw in a long term abusive relationship, sometimes it is as simple as being laid off from work and not being able to find employment. Whatever the reason, their life is in shambles and they need more than emergency housing to put it back together.
Most of the women are able to work if given the opportunity and would like to be productive, but for many transportation is an issue. Public transportation is not always reliable, many times does not go close enough to the desired destination, leaving women vulnerable having to walk to and from bus stops in unsafe neighborhoods after dark.
My vision is to purchase a defunct motel or large ranch type house, remodel it to "platinum green standards" thereby creating a healthy, non toxic environment that is energy resourceful and at the same time a place were women can regain self worth, make peace with their current situation and start rebuilding their lives. Yoga classes and meditation will be incorporated into a health and fitness program for all residents.
Residents will be required to participate in the day to day operations of this facility, therefore keeping staff and salaries to a minimum. Our staff will be trained to search out available state and federal programs to assist residents to become self supporting again.
Our pilot facility will be kept small, limiting the residents to 20 approx, depending on the size. We are planning to make the facility pet friendly since having to surrender a loved pet to an animal shelter increases the stress and trauma of being homeless by a significant margin. Pet policies will be in place and only altered pets will be permitted. We will secure discounted veterinary services from a local animal clinic and solicit pet food donations from manufacturers and local stores. In order to assist residents, we will canvass the city for jobs, anything from full-time employment to part-time office help, catering parties, house cleaning, dog or babysitting and care giving. 2 vans, staffed by residents will provide transportation. My vision includes a garden were residents can grow organic vegetables, herbs and flowers. We will have a computer room and an area for art and crafts projects, i.e. painting, quilting, provide training and encourage residents to make and sell their items on-line. We would like to incorporate a small shop were residents can sell their crafts from handmade quilts and afghans to home-made candles and soaps to become more self sufficient. Everyone is entitled to live out their life in dignity and with pride and be productive as long as possible.
Our funding will come from corporate grants, corporate sponsors as well as local businesses and individual donors.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Rite-Aid has NO conscience nor have they read their mission statement
Check out the consumer complaints about Rite-Aid http://www.consumeraffairs.com/rx/riteaid.html
In Dec around 7PM I shopped at a recently opened Rite-Aid Location in California and upon exiting, stepping from a very brightly lit store into a very dark walk way and parking lot, I tripped over an unmarked curb and fell. First off I was very lucky that I “only” injured my right ankle and my pride, because even after people pointed out to employees that someone was injured in their walkway, Rite-Aid employees huddled in the doorway just gawking. I am in my sixties and they did not even bother to check whether I fell, was having a heart attack or was mugged outside their store. Now about 5-7 minutes had gone by, my right ankle was the size of a cantaloupe and throbbing. My friend had finally completed her purchases, saw me and came rushing over, grabbing for her cell phone. About the same time a couple stopped, as luck would have it she was an ortho nurse, took one look at my ankle and insisted her husband scoop me up off the ground and they drove me to the hospital. Rite-Aid employees waited till I was in the truck before one of them gingerly approached with clipboard in hand to take down information.
I was appalled by the lack of concern shown by Rite-Aid employees and the time it took to come to the aid of an injured customer. Rite-Aid is a national company surely they must have policies in place and employee training on how to handle accidents and injuries sustained by customers. If that’s it, I am not impressed and it does not say much for Rite-Aid.
As it turned out I did not break my right ankle (which actually would have been better in the long run) but literally shredded the ligaments around the ankle bones. Eventually it required 4 month of physical therapy to get some range of motion back, and being in my sixties I still have residual effects of the injury. It has altered many aspects of my life, I am no longer able to run, which was a big part of my life, I still walk every day but cannot go the distance because my right ankle becomes painfully inflamed. It has certainly has altered the way I approach yoga, certain poses have become too painful and I am either not able to do them at all or have to compensate. Even everyday driving has become increasingly difficult and painful.
Now comes the good part: Rite-Aid told my attorney (he was an extremely bad choice) they would settle for $4,500.00 (that is four thousand five hundred dollars), which does not even cover my medical expenses even without the attorney’s cut taken out.
Due to my husband’s long term illness and death, I had lost my home, car……….everything. I was living in a homeless shelter, going back to school to finish my degree and I had just interviewed for a position as a live-in assistant that could be worked around my classes. Because of this injury I had to withdraw from this position and had to modify my class schedule to accommodate physical therapy sessions. I am about two semesters behind with classes, still stuck in the homeless shelter and Rite-Aid does not even want to pay my medical bills.
On Rite-Aid’s website their mission statement sounds wonderful, obviously no one employed by Rite-Aid, including their executives, has read it.
Rite-Aid however was very quick to install additional lighting outside the store and in the parking area. They have painted the curbs along the walkway and installed railings. It only took them a couple of weeks to make those changes......
Friday, July 16, 2010
It's getting downright scary!
We have several new residents in the dorm but one of them really stands out. From the day she arrived everyone noticed that she was talking to herself a lot, but around the shelter that's happens quite a bit
Today however she was changing voices and carrying on conversations. The other voice she used was that of a little girl. I had just finished about 35 loads of family laundry by myself, so I was really tired and trying to tune everything out. I did not perk up until I heard a little girls voice and a moment later G. yelling. I immediately looked for a child in jeopardy and asked G. what was going on and if everything was alright. She got angry and started yelling, something about "the stupid brat has to learn" and a in a split-second she changed to the little girl voice started to cry. Then she totally changed her attitude and now spoke soothingly to the child "Mommy did not mean it, but you have to learn to be a good girl". As spooky as it was I was relieved that there was no actual child in the dorm. When I spoke to staff about the incident and someone mentioned that the other day she was nursing an invisible baby in the day room, with her shirt open and bra undone. Everyone was laughing at her and thought it was funny.
At times I have serous problems dealing with people's mentality at the shelter, the lack of compassion and caring is frightening. That poor women obviously is disturbed and needs help, I hope her caseworker will be able to find a place for her were she can get counseling and treatment.
She can be quite lucid at times and is capable of deductive reasoning. When someone mentioned that there was an outbreak of head lice at the shelter, she went out and had her hair braided and I have seen her oil her scalp every night. When I asked her about it and she told me she went to the beauty college and had it done so she would not get lice. While she seems quite rational one minute she will turn in a heartbeat and become terribly angry. Her frustration level must be extremely high, wanting to express what is going on inside her and not being able to come up with the right words. She truly is a tortured soul and needs to be in a safe environment with people that can deal with her outbursts and channel her emotions appropriately. Being ridiculed, tormented and made the laughing stock of the shelter is only going to compound her issues and will escalate her feelings of frustration and anger.
Today however she was changing voices and carrying on conversations. The other voice she used was that of a little girl. I had just finished about 35 loads of family laundry by myself, so I was really tired and trying to tune everything out. I did not perk up until I heard a little girls voice and a moment later G. yelling. I immediately looked for a child in jeopardy and asked G. what was going on and if everything was alright. She got angry and started yelling, something about "the stupid brat has to learn" and a in a split-second she changed to the little girl voice started to cry. Then she totally changed her attitude and now spoke soothingly to the child "Mommy did not mean it, but you have to learn to be a good girl". As spooky as it was I was relieved that there was no actual child in the dorm. When I spoke to staff about the incident and someone mentioned that the other day she was nursing an invisible baby in the day room, with her shirt open and bra undone. Everyone was laughing at her and thought it was funny.
At times I have serous problems dealing with people's mentality at the shelter, the lack of compassion and caring is frightening. That poor women obviously is disturbed and needs help, I hope her caseworker will be able to find a place for her were she can get counseling and treatment.
She can be quite lucid at times and is capable of deductive reasoning. When someone mentioned that there was an outbreak of head lice at the shelter, she went out and had her hair braided and I have seen her oil her scalp every night. When I asked her about it and she told me she went to the beauty college and had it done so she would not get lice. While she seems quite rational one minute she will turn in a heartbeat and become terribly angry. Her frustration level must be extremely high, wanting to express what is going on inside her and not being able to come up with the right words. She truly is a tortured soul and needs to be in a safe environment with people that can deal with her outbursts and channel her emotions appropriately. Being ridiculed, tormented and made the laughing stock of the shelter is only going to compound her issues and will escalate her feelings of frustration and anger.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Survival of the fittest, and not in the Darwinian sense
Survival in a shelter can be complicated, the first thing you have to remember is, that NOTHING is like it seems and no one is your friend. Standard society rules do not apply; you cannot trust or confide in anyone. If you are not careful you will get robbed, conned and swindled and nobody will see or hear anything. You cannot rely on staff to intervene, they are not your mother, and you have to look out for yourself. Remember that people will steal your stuff whether they can use it or not, it is very sad but also a reality. I especially feel sorry for people in shelters that have cognitive issues; those poor souls get eaten alive. Everyone is nice to them especially the first of the month, they will take them to the store and go out to eat and within a week’s time all their money and food stamps are gone and nobody wants anything to do with them. I have seen it happen many times and actually tried to stop it and it backfired on me and I was made out to be the bad person. I have always fought for the weak and those who cannot speak for themselves; it was a hard lesson to learn but now I walk away. Just like in animal rescue, you can never safe them all no matter how hard you try.
That being said, take everything that is important to you and carry it with you at all times. Do not keep your Driver’s license, BC, or SS card anywhere but on your body. Put it in a baggy and use masking tape if you have to. I use a small cloth pouch with a strap attached to my bra for money and an extra set of car keys, etc. People have actually had their car keys and their car taken by other shelter residents. Duhhh, like they would not get caught? At the same time people have thrown someone’s car keys in the dumpster just to be vile.
I have had my locker broken into, my jacket taken of the hook on my bunk while I was asleep and my shoes stolen out from under my bed. Nothing is sacred! To be sure it’s not like that all the time, but cannot let the mellow times lull you into a false sense of security. It only takes one new person to come to upset the whole dynamics of the dorm. I think I mentioned in an earlier blog that I had a bunkmate that would hover over people and stare at them during the night. And she had this creepy laugh, she would sit up in her bed and laugh during the night, it sounded like it came right out of a horror movie, we never figured out if she was really nuts or just wanted to creep everyone out. Finally she threatened a staff member and that’s when the police was called to pick her up.
Right now we do not have any serious problems, just a few people that are out and out slobs and expect other to clean up after them, nothing unusual about that.
The best thing to do is keep to yourself, be extremely aware of your surroundings and don't let your guard down. It is a very stressful and intense way to live and some stuff will still come up missing but at least you don't get robbed and only have to deal with acceptable pilferage.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Let freedom ring!
Well, it is 4th of July weekend and the craziness already started. People are setting of fireworks in the streets and acting goofy. I just came from the park, they close at 10PM and I have to be back at the shelter anyways. I tried to keep people from terrorizing the kitties too much and had some unexpected help from the Park Rangers. They made a large group (about 30-40) leave the park because they were rowdy and had fireworks and hanging out by the mill, right near the kitty habitat. There are several large flocks of peacocks at the park that are not to fond of loud noise either and of course it has been very hot and dry and no fireworks or sparklers are permitted in the park, neither is alcohol and the ranger were out in force. And those boys did not play. I have seen several of them around the park and they know most of the cat people volunteers, so that worked out well.
Tomorrow a group of volunteers is hosting a BBQ at the shelter, and everyone is really looking forward to that but since I do not eat meat I think I will go to the bookstore or Starbucks and hang out. One of my former classmates (actually the only one that figured out my situation) mailed me a Starbucks gift card, I helped her with a powerpoint presentation and she aced it, of course. That was so sweet and thoughtful, she knows I "live" at Starbucks especially since I started to take some on-line classes.
I guess tomorrow morning will be another earth/kitten day with my trash/recycle bags, I know the park will be a mess and the kittens need another bag of food.. Yes, the gloves are in the car already LOL>
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, EVERYBODY!
Tomorrow a group of volunteers is hosting a BBQ at the shelter, and everyone is really looking forward to that but since I do not eat meat I think I will go to the bookstore or Starbucks and hang out. One of my former classmates (actually the only one that figured out my situation) mailed me a Starbucks gift card, I helped her with a powerpoint presentation and she aced it, of course. That was so sweet and thoughtful, she knows I "live" at Starbucks especially since I started to take some on-line classes.
I guess tomorrow morning will be another earth/kitten day with my trash/recycle bags, I know the park will be a mess and the kittens need another bag of food.. Yes, the gloves are in the car already LOL>
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, EVERYBODY!
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