And just when I thought I actually had a chance.........another bucket of ice water right on my head. After 3 long years in a homeless shelter I actually thought there was a chance at having a life again. I am now getting a monthly social security check, it's not a whole lot but then I have learned to make due with a lot less in the past few years and was ecstatic at the possibility being re-united with my pets in my own place. My wonderful friend has cared for them the past years with very little financial support from me. I was finally able to return to Oregon and with the full intention of getting my life back on track I started looking for a place to live. I figured if my SS check covers my rent and utilities I am able to generate enough income on my own to pay for pet and personal expenses. Made sense to me, I might be in my sixties but I am still capable of finding part time work (even in this economy) and generating income with my internet business. I network where ever I go, yoga classes or yard sales, it does not matter. Back to house hunting..........while finding an affordable place that allows pets is a challenge in itself, it is not the biggest obstacle. The main problem is finding someone that will rent to me with with little credit and rental history. My recent credit history is marginal at best, I have some medical expenses (emergency room and ambulance) when I was injured while at the shelter that went to collection and homeless shelters don't give rental references. Back to being between a rock and a hard spot.

What does not kill us........

I finally managed to get myself out of the shelter and thanks to a HUD sponsored program was able to move into a residential hotel for women. Having my own room that I could lock and a safe place to sleep (I never felt safe sleeping in a dorm with 40 women)was such a relief. I will be forever grateful to a wonderful lady named Bertha for accepting me into the program, literally giving me a safe haven and thereby enabling me to move forward. It is very difficult to see the big picture ahead when you have to watch your back constantly. My next step is to move back to Oregon and re-claim my beloved pets. I still have my kitties, sadly my dog died while in friend's care and we are both heartbroken about it. But he was 16 years old, was much loved and had a good life.

It's been a while......

It has been a while since I blogged, too many ups and downs and complications to be able to get on line regularly. In re-reading some of my earlier blogs I am still surprised at my naïveté when I first arrived at the shelter. I had done various volunteer work in the past, mostly animal related causes. I have cleaned cages at the humane society and had fundraisers for spay and neuter clinics in my home. When I lived in Oregon, many years ago I used to go around to the downtown bridges on Sunday mornings with hot coffee and cacao and sweet rolls. At that time the mission or other places did not open till noon on Sunday, there was no place to go for the people living under the bridges to get warm. The men and women were always grateful for hot coffee and something to eat first thing in the morning. Seemed like no matter how much I brought it was never enough. I always felt bad when I ran out of food but everyone took it in stride. I was usually by myself but never felt uncomfortable or threatened.
So when I first arrived at the shelter I took everyone at face value and believed the stories. I tried to help when I could and shared what little I had. My attitude was we are all in this together, so we stick together and help each other out. I learned the hard way! Kindness was considered weakness and I had to fight hard to stand my ground and not become a victim of other residents in the shelter. I had never been exposed to that many unscrupulous people....... homeless people ripping each other off...... It does not get much lower than that.
My first winter there my coat was stolen off my bedpost while I was sleeping, never to be seen again. The shelter suggested I keep better track of my stuff since I had not been there long enough to have earned the privilege of a locker.
I had become acquainted with most of the bus drivers that went by the shelter and one of asked me were my coat was when I only had a sweatshirt on a very cold day. When I told her what happened she brought one of her daughter's jackets to work with her the next day and actually took the time to look for me when she went by the shelter to give it to me. It's gestures like this that restored my faith and kept me going.

Anchor Babies

Just when I thought I had seen it all........ About 4 weeks ago an older Mexican woman was dropped off at the shelter by her son. She does not speak one word of English and she is blind. I am assuming that this was recent development since the poor woman has had no training to deal with blindness. She is totally dependent on other residents to help her with dressing, walking her to the restroom, taking her to the cafeteria and anything else that arises. Dorm staff at the shelter is basically for security purposes, they do not assist in personal issues. The case managers are there from 9-5 and seem to be too overwhelmed to get her into a facility that can teach her to cope with blindness.
Of course, this could be complicated by the issue that the lady could very well be illegal. It's difficult to get the whole story, she does not speak English, staff is bound by client confidentiality and the Spanish speaking residents are not exactly forthcoming with translation or assistance. At this point the poor thing is groping her way around the shelter and trying to make the best of it. There is one older Mexican lady at the shelter, she has been there about 10 years, and she is the only one that has even tried to help the woman, but her English is so bad she really is not able translate.

I guess I don't understand the cultural differences, but how can a son just drop his blind mother at a homeless shelter and drive off. Especially since the son seems to be doing O.K.,he drives a late model Hummer and dresses well. Meanwhile the poor women is confused, she has no idea what is going on, and the few people that do care and want to help, cannot communicate with her, and the ones that can do not want to be bothered.

Update

Have not been able to blog for a while, my laptop that I bought one e-bay for $100.00 finally gave up. I can't complain though, it got me through 4 semesters of school, and between research, term papers and blogging had quite a workout for an old laptop. More than likely would have lasted a bit longer if one of the girls at the shelter, while trying to be helpful, had not dropped it. It still worked for a while, but the bezel was cracked and eventually the screen went black. I did check into getting it fixed but it was cost prohibitive for the age and configuration.

Lesson learned: carry everything myself, even if it takes multiple trips in the rain.

So I started the fall semester using the school's computers, however with the huge influx of new students (four thousand more than the previous semester) the computer commons was always overcrowded and usually people were waiting in line for computers between classes. It would not have been right to take up computer time with a personal blog even if the library monitors would have allowed it.
Because of the explosion in enrollment there was also a computer glitch with processing FAFSA applications and grants and as luck would have it my renewal was affected by the glitch and my application was among the several hundred that had to be started all over again. It was almost at the end of the semester before I finally received my grant check that normally would have come in August.
Of course we all know that when it rains, it pours! So on top of everything else my car broke down right when the insurance and renewal was due. I am sitting at the shelter with no school books, a broken down car with expired plates and insurance. I was afraid to ask what next!
A former shelter resident I had kept in touch with, offered to loan me money till my check arrived, which, as much as I hate to borrow money, I gratefully accepted. So I purchased the books I needed, many were outdated versions just to get by, found someone that would work on my car and wait to get paid, as long as I bought the parts. Again my friend stepped up to the plate and not only loaned me money for the parts but drove the mechanic to get them, while I was in class.
Boy, you sure find out who you can count on when you are in a jam, but then I already knew that. None of my former friends have even bothered to inquire how I am, once they found out that I had to sell the beach house to cover a portion of my husband's medical expenses, was loosing my home to foreclosure after my husband's death and deeply in debt with no place to live, they totally disassociated themselves. I truly think they were afraid I would ask them for help, which in my case was never even a consideration. I don't inflict my problems on other people, but it would have been nice if someone would have at least acknowledged the fact that I still exist. I hope that all my former so-called friends never have to find out what it's like to be in my situation, alone and dead broke and no one cares enough to invite you to dinner over the holidays. Maybe they were afraid that my "vintage" Volvo would bring down property values in their neighborhood.

Luckily just before Thanksgiving my check finally arrived and I was able and to pay off my debts and get a new laptop just in time for finals, but am still working on getting my license plates and insurance re-instated.

Where to begin.....it started at 4:45AM when Al(my favorite kitchen staff person) knocked on the dorm window, (she knows I sleep by the window) and asked if I could help with breakfast. She was planning Chorizo and eggs with tortillas, some fresh juices that were donated yesterday and since the coffee machine is finally fixed, we were having coffee. Al had started cooking the Chorizo, about 20 dozen eggs had been cracked the day before, so it was an easy job, whip the eggs, drain the sausage and scramble eggs on the grill. Heat the tortillas in the microwave and we are ready to go. We served 150 breakfasts on time at 6AM and everyone was happy. Alicia and I had steelcut oatmeal with cranberries, raisins and pecans. Much healthier! Then we prepped about 10 whole Turkeys for dinner, I made a spice rub and they came out looking beautifully. Have no idea how they taste since I am vegetarian, but they are having turkey and broccoli fettuccine for dinner, which will be good since the meat is chunked and not shredded as usual.
I had to leave by 7AM to go to the park to help trap a pregnant kitty, which was not successful. I had her in my hand but the lady from the rescue group wanted her in a trap and would not let me put her in the carrier. It would have been an easy "scruff and stuff", but by trying to get her in the trap it gave her too much time and space to fight and she won. She always lets me pet her and comes up to me but when she sees the trap she takes off. Hopefully I can catch her in the next day or two.
My friend was feeding by herself today and she was happy to see me and we finished the route together, close to 200 abandoned cats were fed and watered in record time.
Around 10:30 I went back to the shelter to take a shower and poor Al was having a lunch crisis. Again no help. I can shower after lunch! So we heated a bunch of frozen pizzas, made a green salad, added tomatoes and served iced watermelon for dessert.
People are supposed to volunteer 15 hours a week to be able to stay at the shelter and it seems that always the same few that volunteer while everyone else takes off or hides.

Choices

I have been so focused on mature women at the shelter that I paid little attention to other issues, until a few weeks ago when a young lady, (I later found out she was just 19,) came up to me and tearfully asked if she could talk to me. We went for a walk and she started telling me she had just been diagnosed with an STD and was late as well. She had become sexually active while at the shelter and made an obviously bad choice. The guy had since dumped her for someone else at the shelter and she was left not knowing what to do next. I took her to speak to the medical coordinator and made sure she received medical attention for the STD, luckily the pregnancy test came back negative, so that crisis was averted.
This is a sweet innocent girl of 19, with no life experience to speak of, raised in a small community and is in the street because her mother recently died and her father is too busy with his new family to be bothered with her. When she called and told him about her mother's death and asked to live with him, he refused, claiming she made her choice during the divorce several years ago, and she was over 18 and on her own. Personally I applaud her for making the choice to live with her mother, since the father cannot possibly much of a human being to put his grieving child at risk by refusing to provide for her because legally he no longer has to. Her mother died in March and she has been at the shelter about 3 month, totally at lose ends. I was just glad she felt comfortable enough to confide in me. We had many serious talks about her future and how to get her off the streets. We used my cellphone and her mother's address book to call relatives and family friends and after several weeks of trying we hit pure gold. Her mother's college room mate and her husband opened their heart and home to her. Her Mom's friend has already arranged for her to join in a grieve counseling group as soon as she arrives to help her deal with the death of her mother and her father's rejection.
They have made provisions for her to get a part time job for now and want her to go to college full time by next fall. She is overjoyed at the prospect even though it means flying across country, she has only flown once before in her life. We were actually able to shame her father into paying for her plane ticket and and I took her to the airport Friday morning. It was a happy and tearful good bye and she emailed that she arrived safely and loves it there. She knew her mom's friend and had spent a couple of summers with them when she was younger and her parents were going through a messy divorce.
While I did not mind helping the poor girl, I feel her counselor/case worker really dropped the ball, by not ferreting out options and possibilities for her. To leave an obviously naive 19 year old to her own devices, while still grieving the loss of a parent is unconscionable.. I shudder just thinking about what could have happened to her had she stayed at the shelter.

Choose your option

Option 1 $10.00 Option 2 $25.00 Option 3 $50.00