I have been so focused on mature women at the shelter that I paid little attention to other issues, until a few weeks ago when a young lady, (I later found out she was just 19,) came up to me and tearfully asked if she could talk to me. We went for a walk and she started telling me she had just been diagnosed with an STD and was late as well. She had become sexually active while at the shelter and made an obviously bad choice. The guy had since dumped her for someone else at the shelter and she was left not knowing what to do next. I took her to speak to the medical coordinator and made sure she received medical attention for the STD, luckily the pregnancy test came back negative, so that crisis was averted.
This is a sweet innocent girl of 19, with no life experience to speak of, raised in a small community and is in the street because her mother recently died and her father is too busy with his new family to be bothered with her. When she called and told him about her mother's death and asked to live with him, he refused, claiming she made her choice during the divorce several years ago, and she was over 18 and on her own. Personally I applaud her for making the choice to live with her mother, since the father cannot possibly much of a human being to put his grieving child at risk by refusing to provide for her because legally he no longer has to. Her mother died in March and she has been at the shelter about 3 month, totally at lose ends. I was just glad she felt comfortable enough to confide in me. We had many serious talks about her future and how to get her off the streets. We used my cellphone and her mother's address book to call relatives and family friends and after several weeks of trying we hit pure gold. Her mother's college room mate and her husband opened their heart and home to her. Her Mom's friend has already arranged for her to join in a grieve counseling group as soon as she arrives to help her deal with the death of her mother and her father's rejection.
They have made provisions for her to get a part time job for now and want her to go to college full time by next fall. She is overjoyed at the prospect even though it means flying across country, she has only flown once before in her life. We were actually able to shame her father into paying for her plane ticket and and I took her to the airport Friday morning. It was a happy and tearful good bye and she emailed that she arrived safely and loves it there. She knew her mom's friend and had spent a couple of summers with them when she was younger and her parents were going through a messy divorce.
While I did not mind helping the poor girl, I feel her counselor/case worker really dropped the ball, by not ferreting out options and possibilities for her. To leave an obviously naive 19 year old to her own devices, while still grieving the loss of a parent is unconscionable.. I shudder just thinking about what could have happened to her had she stayed at the shelter.
PlanetUSA
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Realities
This place is a family shelter, so they house men as well in order not to split up the family unit. That opens up a whole other can of worms. Most of these men are dogs (no nicer way to put it) and will mess around even in the shelter. Some of the women here are not much better by going for it. That of course creates lots of jealousies and arguments in families and the children as usual take the brunt of it. Mom and Dad are fighting, consequently distracted from supervising their children and the situation turns into chaos. As I said before, it is a warehouse for people and when people are left to their own devices in this type of situation, it brings out their worst qualities.
I especially feel sorry for women trying to escape domestic violence, the last thing they need, is to be subjected to a bunch of overbearing arrogant men, that have nothing to be arrogant about. They are not willing to care for the family they have but that does not stop them from starting another one with someone they just met..... in the shelter. I have seen that happen more than once since I have been here and the men are never held accountable.
It is all very sad and discouraging and mature women are especially vulnerable to bouts of depression.
If I ever questioned (and trust me I did...... many times) why I ended up in a shelter, I have come to realize that there is a purpose for me. There have to be changes implemented in how society views women below the poverty line. This is America in the 21st century and this is a serious issue and we have get serious about resolving it. It's not enough to do things right anymore we have to step up to the plate and do the right thing!
Can I bring about those changes? I'll never know unless I try! Will I fall flat on my face, probably, but I'll get up and try again until my vision is a reality.
When I first arrived at the shelter I was on a top bunk and my bunk mate was a rather difficult person (so everyone said). I just figured she was very private and did not want to make friends in low places, lol. I had been there about 3 weeks and got to know her a little, she did not have an easy live, an abusive husband (deceased) who had made her an introvert since she was not allowed to talk to people and her middle son had recently died. Her oldest son had wanted her to live with him and his family but her youngest son was getting paroled from prison, had to live with a family member and was not welcome at his brothers house. So Mom came to Bakersfield, stayed at the shelter waiting for one son to get paroled and for the estate of the other son to get settled. She was the sole beneficiary of a substantial estate and would be able to rent a place while her youngest son completed parole and then move where ever she wanted to. On a Saturday morning at 3AM I woke up and while climbing down off my top bunk almost stepped on my bunk mate. During the night she had collapsed on the dorm floor and had died there, with 40 people in the room getting up and down half the night, nobody saw, heard or did anything. When I went screaming down the hall to alert staff, an ambulance was called but it was obviously too late.
I found out later that she had been complaining about not feeling good for several days, but she was not very well liked so no one paid attention. We did not interact a great deal, I was filling in for the pastry chef at a busy restaurant, working 10 hour shifts and riding the bus for another 3 hours to get back and forth.
She had told me that Friday evening that she was meeting with her attorney on Monday to get the settlement check and then moving to a motel while looking for an apartment for her and her son. I still have nightmares and feel guilty for having taken a sleeping pill that night. This is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life, no one deserves to die like that! If I can be instrumental in preventing this from happening to someone else, I will have done the right thing and maybe I'll be able to sleep again.
It is all very sad and discouraging and mature women are especially vulnerable to bouts of depression.
If I ever questioned (and trust me I did...... many times) why I ended up in a shelter, I have come to realize that there is a purpose for me. There have to be changes implemented in how society views women below the poverty line. This is America in the 21st century and this is a serious issue and we have get serious about resolving it. It's not enough to do things right anymore we have to step up to the plate and do the right thing!
Can I bring about those changes? I'll never know unless I try! Will I fall flat on my face, probably, but I'll get up and try again until my vision is a reality.
When I first arrived at the shelter I was on a top bunk and my bunk mate was a rather difficult person (so everyone said). I just figured she was very private and did not want to make friends in low places, lol. I had been there about 3 weeks and got to know her a little, she did not have an easy live, an abusive husband (deceased) who had made her an introvert since she was not allowed to talk to people and her middle son had recently died. Her oldest son had wanted her to live with him and his family but her youngest son was getting paroled from prison, had to live with a family member and was not welcome at his brothers house. So Mom came to Bakersfield, stayed at the shelter waiting for one son to get paroled and for the estate of the other son to get settled. She was the sole beneficiary of a substantial estate and would be able to rent a place while her youngest son completed parole and then move where ever she wanted to. On a Saturday morning at 3AM I woke up and while climbing down off my top bunk almost stepped on my bunk mate. During the night she had collapsed on the dorm floor and had died there, with 40 people in the room getting up and down half the night, nobody saw, heard or did anything. When I went screaming down the hall to alert staff, an ambulance was called but it was obviously too late.
I found out later that she had been complaining about not feeling good for several days, but she was not very well liked so no one paid attention. We did not interact a great deal, I was filling in for the pastry chef at a busy restaurant, working 10 hour shifts and riding the bus for another 3 hours to get back and forth.
She had told me that Friday evening that she was meeting with her attorney on Monday to get the settlement check and then moving to a motel while looking for an apartment for her and her son. I still have nightmares and feel guilty for having taken a sleeping pill that night. This is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life, no one deserves to die like that! If I can be instrumental in preventing this from happening to someone else, I will have done the right thing and maybe I'll be able to sleep again.
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