Anchor Babies

Just when I thought I had seen it all........ About 4 weeks ago an older Mexican woman was dropped off at the shelter by her son. She does not speak one word of English and she is blind. I am assuming that this was recent development since the poor woman has had no training to deal with blindness. She is totally dependent on other residents to help her with dressing, walking her to the restroom, taking her to the cafeteria and anything else that arises. Dorm staff at the shelter is basically for security purposes, they do not assist in personal issues. The case managers are there from 9-5 and seem to be too overwhelmed to get her into a facility that can teach her to cope with blindness.
Of course, this could be complicated by the issue that the lady could very well be illegal. It's difficult to get the whole story, she does not speak English, staff is bound by client confidentiality and the Spanish speaking residents are not exactly forthcoming with translation or assistance. At this point the poor thing is groping her way around the shelter and trying to make the best of it. There is one older Mexican lady at the shelter, she has been there about 10 years, and she is the only one that has even tried to help the woman, but her English is so bad she really is not able translate.

I guess I don't understand the cultural differences, but how can a son just drop his blind mother at a homeless shelter and drive off. Especially since the son seems to be doing O.K.,he drives a late model Hummer and dresses well. Meanwhile the poor women is confused, she has no idea what is going on, and the few people that do care and want to help, cannot communicate with her, and the ones that can do not want to be bothered.

Update

Have not been able to blog for a while, my laptop that I bought one e-bay for $100.00 finally gave up. I can't complain though, it got me through 4 semesters of school, and between research, term papers and blogging had quite a workout for an old laptop. More than likely would have lasted a bit longer if one of the girls at the shelter, while trying to be helpful, had not dropped it. It still worked for a while, but the bezel was cracked and eventually the screen went black. I did check into getting it fixed but it was cost prohibitive for the age and configuration.

Lesson learned: carry everything myself, even if it takes multiple trips in the rain.

So I started the fall semester using the school's computers, however with the huge influx of new students (four thousand more than the previous semester) the computer commons was always overcrowded and usually people were waiting in line for computers between classes. It would not have been right to take up computer time with a personal blog even if the library monitors would have allowed it.
Because of the explosion in enrollment there was also a computer glitch with processing FAFSA applications and grants and as luck would have it my renewal was affected by the glitch and my application was among the several hundred that had to be started all over again. It was almost at the end of the semester before I finally received my grant check that normally would have come in August.
Of course we all know that when it rains, it pours! So on top of everything else my car broke down right when the insurance and renewal was due. I am sitting at the shelter with no school books, a broken down car with expired plates and insurance. I was afraid to ask what next!
A former shelter resident I had kept in touch with, offered to loan me money till my check arrived, which, as much as I hate to borrow money, I gratefully accepted. So I purchased the books I needed, many were outdated versions just to get by, found someone that would work on my car and wait to get paid, as long as I bought the parts. Again my friend stepped up to the plate and not only loaned me money for the parts but drove the mechanic to get them, while I was in class.
Boy, you sure find out who you can count on when you are in a jam, but then I already knew that. None of my former friends have even bothered to inquire how I am, once they found out that I had to sell the beach house to cover a portion of my husband's medical expenses, was loosing my home to foreclosure after my husband's death and deeply in debt with no place to live, they totally disassociated themselves. I truly think they were afraid I would ask them for help, which in my case was never even a consideration. I don't inflict my problems on other people, but it would have been nice if someone would have at least acknowledged the fact that I still exist. I hope that all my former so-called friends never have to find out what it's like to be in my situation, alone and dead broke and no one cares enough to invite you to dinner over the holidays. Maybe they were afraid that my "vintage" Volvo would bring down property values in their neighborhood.

Luckily just before Thanksgiving my check finally arrived and I was able and to pay off my debts and get a new laptop just in time for finals, but am still working on getting my license plates and insurance re-instated.

Where to begin.....it started at 4:45AM when Al(my favorite kitchen staff person) knocked on the dorm window, (she knows I sleep by the window) and asked if I could help with breakfast. She was planning Chorizo and eggs with tortillas, some fresh juices that were donated yesterday and since the coffee machine is finally fixed, we were having coffee. Al had started cooking the Chorizo, about 20 dozen eggs had been cracked the day before, so it was an easy job, whip the eggs, drain the sausage and scramble eggs on the grill. Heat the tortillas in the microwave and we are ready to go. We served 150 breakfasts on time at 6AM and everyone was happy. Alicia and I had steelcut oatmeal with cranberries, raisins and pecans. Much healthier! Then we prepped about 10 whole Turkeys for dinner, I made a spice rub and they came out looking beautifully. Have no idea how they taste since I am vegetarian, but they are having turkey and broccoli fettuccine for dinner, which will be good since the meat is chunked and not shredded as usual.
I had to leave by 7AM to go to the park to help trap a pregnant kitty, which was not successful. I had her in my hand but the lady from the rescue group wanted her in a trap and would not let me put her in the carrier. It would have been an easy "scruff and stuff", but by trying to get her in the trap it gave her too much time and space to fight and she won. She always lets me pet her and comes up to me but when she sees the trap she takes off. Hopefully I can catch her in the next day or two.
My friend was feeding by herself today and she was happy to see me and we finished the route together, close to 200 abandoned cats were fed and watered in record time.
Around 10:30 I went back to the shelter to take a shower and poor Al was having a lunch crisis. Again no help. I can shower after lunch! So we heated a bunch of frozen pizzas, made a green salad, added tomatoes and served iced watermelon for dessert.
People are supposed to volunteer 15 hours a week to be able to stay at the shelter and it seems that always the same few that volunteer while everyone else takes off or hides.

Choices

I have been so focused on mature women at the shelter that I paid little attention to other issues, until a few weeks ago when a young lady, (I later found out she was just 19,) came up to me and tearfully asked if she could talk to me. We went for a walk and she started telling me she had just been diagnosed with an STD and was late as well. She had become sexually active while at the shelter and made an obviously bad choice. The guy had since dumped her for someone else at the shelter and she was left not knowing what to do next. I took her to speak to the medical coordinator and made sure she received medical attention for the STD, luckily the pregnancy test came back negative, so that crisis was averted.
This is a sweet innocent girl of 19, with no life experience to speak of, raised in a small community and is in the street because her mother recently died and her father is too busy with his new family to be bothered with her. When she called and told him about her mother's death and asked to live with him, he refused, claiming she made her choice during the divorce several years ago, and she was over 18 and on her own. Personally I applaud her for making the choice to live with her mother, since the father cannot possibly much of a human being to put his grieving child at risk by refusing to provide for her because legally he no longer has to. Her mother died in March and she has been at the shelter about 3 month, totally at lose ends. I was just glad she felt comfortable enough to confide in me. We had many serious talks about her future and how to get her off the streets. We used my cellphone and her mother's address book to call relatives and family friends and after several weeks of trying we hit pure gold. Her mother's college room mate and her husband opened their heart and home to her. Her Mom's friend has already arranged for her to join in a grieve counseling group as soon as she arrives to help her deal with the death of her mother and her father's rejection.
They have made provisions for her to get a part time job for now and want her to go to college full time by next fall. She is overjoyed at the prospect even though it means flying across country, she has only flown once before in her life. We were actually able to shame her father into paying for her plane ticket and and I took her to the airport Friday morning. It was a happy and tearful good bye and she emailed that she arrived safely and loves it there. She knew her mom's friend and had spent a couple of summers with them when she was younger and her parents were going through a messy divorce.
While I did not mind helping the poor girl, I feel her counselor/case worker really dropped the ball, by not ferreting out options and possibilities for her. To leave an obviously naive 19 year old to her own devices, while still grieving the loss of a parent is unconscionable.. I shudder just thinking about what could have happened to her had she stayed at the shelter.

Choose your option

Option 1 $10.00 Option 2 $25.00 Option 3 $50.00

Realities

This place is a family shelter, so they house men as well in order not to split up the family unit. That opens up a whole other can of worms. Most of these men are dogs (no nicer way to put it) and will mess around even in the shelter. Some of the women here are not much better by going for it. That of course creates lots of jealousies and arguments in families and the children as usual take the brunt of it. Mom and Dad are fighting, consequently distracted from supervising their children and the situation turns into chaos. As I said before, it is a warehouse for people and when people are left to their own devices in this type of situation, it brings out their worst qualities.

I especially feel sorry for women trying to escape domestic violence, the last thing they need, is to be subjected to a bunch of overbearing arrogant men, that have nothing to be arrogant about. They are not willing to care for the family they have but that does not stop them from starting another one with someone they just met..... in the shelter. I have seen that happen more than once since I have been here and the men are never held accountable.
It is all very sad and discouraging and mature women are especially vulnerable to bouts of depression.
If I ever questioned (and trust me I did...... many times) why I ended up in a shelter, I have come to realize that there is a purpose for me. There have to be changes implemented in how society views women below the poverty line.  This is America in the 21st century and this is a serious issue and we have get serious about resolving it. It's not enough to do things right anymore we have to step up to the plate and do the right thing! 
Can I bring about those changes? I'll never know unless I try!  Will I fall flat on my face, probably, but  I'll get up and try again until my vision is a reality.
When I first arrived at the shelter I was on a top bunk and my bunk mate was a rather difficult person (so everyone said). I just figured she was very private and did not want to make friends in low places, lol. I had been there about 3 weeks and got to know her a little, she did not have an easy live, an abusive husband (deceased) who had made her an introvert since she was not allowed to talk to people and  her middle son had recently died. Her oldest son had wanted her to live with him and his family but her youngest son was getting paroled from prison, had to live with a family member and was not welcome at his brothers house. So Mom came to Bakersfield, stayed at the shelter waiting for one son to get paroled and for the estate of the other son to get settled. She was the sole beneficiary of a substantial estate and would be able to rent a place while her youngest son completed parole and then move where ever she wanted to. On a Saturday morning at 3AM I woke up and while climbing down off my top bunk almost stepped on my bunk mate. During the night she had collapsed on the dorm floor and had died there, with 40 people in the room getting up and down half the night, nobody saw, heard or did anything. When I went screaming down the hall to alert staff, an ambulance was called but it was obviously too late. 
I found out later that she had been complaining about not feeling good for several days, but she was not very well liked so no one paid attention. We did not interact a great deal, I was filling in for the pastry chef at a busy restaurant, working 10 hour shifts and riding the bus for another 3 hours to get back and forth.
She had told me that Friday evening that she was meeting with her attorney on Monday to get  the settlement check and then moving to a motel while looking for an apartment for her and her son. I still have nightmares and feel guilty for having taken a sleeping pill that night. This is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life, no one deserves to die like that! If I can be instrumental in preventing this from happening to someone else, I will have done the right thing and maybe I'll be able to sleep again.

Choose your option

Option 1 $10.00 Option 2 $25.00 Option 3 $50.00

Where there is no vision, the people perish. Proverbs 29:18

Having been a volunteer and resident at a homeless shelter for over a year I can see a tremendous need for  transitional housing for indigent women over the age of 55. Many are displaced homemakers who through no fault of their own find themselves in the unattainable position of having no place to live with little or no resources. They are not yet old enough for social security (if they are even eligible) and very little opportunity to be able to secure employment in today’s economy.
Homeless shelters are designed for emergency housing, a few days or weeks at the most. Women are literally warehoused on bunk beds  in a dormitory environment with no privacy and no future. Some have been there for years. There are small lockers for a few personal possessions and hygiene items, which, unless they are able to buy it themselves, have to be requisitioned from the warehouse and are only available certain days each month….in other words - it takes an act of congress to get anything. For most mature women, who have been productive, had careers and have raised families, having to "beg" for necessities is embarrassing. What these women need is a safe haven, were they can feel secure and can try to regain their balance to rebuild their lives, they do not need to be demoralized any further.
When mature women end up in a shelter the cause is usually a very traumatic life changing event like the death of a spouse and partner, having put their own life and career on hold to care for an elderly parent, an ugly divorce after 20+ years of marriage, or reaching the last straw in a long term abusive relationship, sometimes it is as simple as being laid off from work and not being able to find employment. Whatever the reason, their life is in shambles and they need more than emergency housing to put it back together.
Most of the women are able to work if given the opportunity and would like to be productive, but for many transportation is an issue. Public transportation is not always reliable, many times does not go close enough to the desired destination, leaving  women vulnerable  having to walk to and from bus stops in unsafe neighborhoods after dark.
My vision is to purchase a defunct motel or large ranch type house, remodel it to "platinum green standards" thereby creating a healthy, non toxic environment that is energy resourceful and at the same time a place were women can regain self worth, make peace with their current situation and start rebuilding their lives.  Yoga classes and meditation will be incorporated into a health and fitness program for all residents.
Residents will be required to participate in the day to day operations of this facility, therefore keeping staff  and salaries to a minimum. Our staff will be trained to search out available state and federal programs to assist residents to become self supporting again.
Our pilot facility will be kept small, limiting the residents to 20 approx, depending on the size. We are planning to make the facility pet friendly since having to surrender a loved pet to an animal shelter increases the stress and trauma of being homeless by a significant margin. Pet policies will be in place and only altered pets will be permitted. We will secure discounted veterinary services from a local animal clinic and solicit pet food donations from manufacturers and local stores. In order to assist residents, we will canvass the city for jobs, anything from full-time employment to part-time office help, catering parties, house cleaning, dog or babysitting and care giving. 2 vans, staffed by residents will provide transportation. My vision includes a garden were residents can grow organic vegetables, herbs and flowers. We will have a computer room and an area for art and crafts projects, i.e. painting, quilting,  provide training and encourage residents to make and sell their items on-line. We would like to incorporate a small shop were residents can sell their crafts from handmade quilts and afghans to home-made candles and soaps to become more self sufficient. Everyone is entitled to live out their life in dignity and with pride and be productive as long as possible.
Our funding will come from corporate grants, corporate sponsors as  well as local businesses and individual donors.

Choose your option

Option 1 $10.00 Option 2 $25.00 Option 3 $50.00

Rite-Aid has NO conscience nor have they read their mission statement

Check out the consumer complaints about Rite-Aid http://www.consumeraffairs.com/rx/riteaid.html

In Dec around 7PM I shopped at a recently opened Rite-Aid Location in California and upon exiting, stepping from a very brightly lit store into a very dark walk way and parking lot, I tripped over an unmarked curb and fell. First off I was very lucky that I “only” injured my right ankle and my pride, because even after people pointed out to employees that someone was injured in their walkway, Rite-Aid employees huddled in the doorway just gawking.  I am in my sixties and they did not even bother to check whether I fell, was having a heart attack or was mugged outside their store. Now about 5-7 minutes had gone by, my right ankle was the size of a cantaloupe and throbbing. My friend had finally completed her purchases, saw me and came rushing over, grabbing for her cell phone.  About the same time a couple stopped, as luck would have it she was an ortho nurse, took one look at my ankle and insisted her husband scoop me up off the ground and they drove me to the hospital. Rite-Aid employees waited till I was in the truck before one of them gingerly approached with clipboard in hand to take down information.

 I was appalled by the lack of concern shown by Rite-Aid employees and the time it took to come to the aid of an injured customer. Rite-Aid is a national company surely they must have policies in place and employee training on how to handle accidents and injuries sustained by customers. If that’s it, I am not impressed and it does not say much for Rite-Aid.

As it turned out I did not break my right ankle (which actually would have been better in the long run) but literally shredded the ligaments around the ankle bones. Eventually it required 4 month of physical therapy to get some range of motion back, and being in my sixties I still have residual effects of the injury. It has altered many aspects of my life, I am no longer able to run, which was a big part of my life, I still walk every day but cannot go the distance because my right ankle becomes painfully inflamed. It has certainly has altered the way I approach yoga, certain poses have become too painful and I am either not able to do them at all or have to compensate. Even everyday d­­riving has become increasingly difficult and painful.

Now comes the good part: Rite-Aid told my attorney (he was an extremely bad choice) they would settle for $4,500.00 (that is four thousand five hundred dollars), which does not even cover my medical expenses even without the attorney’s cut taken out.

Due to my husband’s long term illness and death, I had lost my home, car……….everything.  I was living in a homeless shelter, going back to school to finish my degree and I had just interviewed for a position as a live-in assistant that could be worked around my classes. Because of this injury I had to withdraw from this position and had to modify my class schedule to accommodate physical therapy sessions.  I am about two semesters behind with classes, still stuck in the homeless shelter and Rite-Aid does not even want to pay my medical bills.

On Rite-Aid’s website their mission statement sounds wonderful, obviously no one employed by Rite-Aid, including their executives, has read it.

Rite-Aid however was very quick to install additional lighting outside the store and in the parking area. They have painted the curbs along the walkway and installed railings. It only took them a couple of weeks to make those changes......

It's getting downright scary!

We have several new residents in the dorm but one of them really stands out. From the day she arrived everyone noticed that she was talking to herself a lot, but around the shelter that's happens quite a bit
Today however she was changing voices and carrying on conversations. The other voice she used was that of a little girl. I had just finished about 35 loads of family laundry by myself, so I was really tired and trying to tune everything out. I did not perk up until I heard a little girls voice and a moment later G. yelling. I immediately looked for a child in jeopardy and asked G. what was going on and if everything was alright. She got angry and started yelling, something about "the stupid brat has to learn" and a in a split-second she changed to  the little girl voice started to cry. Then she totally changed her attitude and now spoke soothingly to the child "Mommy did not mean it, but you have to learn to be a good girl". As spooky as it was I was relieved that there was no actual child in the dorm. When I spoke to staff about the incident and someone mentioned that the other day she was nursing an invisible baby in the day room, with her shirt open and bra undone. Everyone was laughing at her and thought it was funny.
At times I have serous problems dealing with people's mentality at the shelter, the lack of compassion and caring is frightening. That poor women obviously is disturbed and needs help, I hope her caseworker will be able to find a place for her were she can get counseling and treatment.
She can be quite lucid at times and is capable of deductive reasoning. When someone mentioned that there was an outbreak of head lice at the shelter, she went out and had her hair braided and I have seen her oil her scalp every night.  When I asked her about it and she told me she went to the beauty college and had it done so she would not get lice. While she seems quite rational one minute she will turn in a heartbeat and become terribly angry. Her frustration level must be extremely high, wanting to express what is going on inside her and not being able to come up with the right words. She truly is a tortured soul and needs to be in a safe environment with people that can deal with her outbursts and channel her emotions appropriately. Being ridiculed, tormented and made the laughing stock of the shelter is only going to compound her issues and will escalate her feelings of frustration and anger.

Survival of the fittest, and not in the Darwinian sense

Survival in a shelter can be complicated, the first thing you have to remember is, that NOTHING is like it seems and no one is your friend. Standard society rules do not apply; you cannot trust or confide in anyone.  If you are not careful you will get robbed, conned and swindled and nobody will see or hear anything. You cannot rely on staff to intervene, they are not your mother, and you have to look out for yourself.  Remember that people will steal your stuff whether they can use it or not, it is very sad but also a reality. I especially feel sorry for people in shelters that have cognitive issues; those poor souls get eaten alive.  Everyone is nice to them especially the first of the month, they will take them to the store and go out to eat and within a week’s time all their money and food stamps are gone and nobody wants anything to do with them.  I have seen it happen many times and actually tried to stop it and it backfired on me and I was made out to be the bad person.  I have always fought for the weak and those who cannot speak for themselves; it was a hard lesson to learn but now I walk away. Just like in animal rescue, you can never safe them all no matter how hard you try.

That being said, take everything that is important to you and carry it with you at all times. Do not keep your Driver’s license, BC, or SS card anywhere but on your body. Put it in a baggy and use masking tape if you have to.  I use a small cloth pouch with a strap attached to my bra for money and an extra set of car keys, etc.  People have actually had their car keys and their car taken by other shelter residents. Duhhh, like they would not get caught? At the same time people have thrown someone’s car keys in the dumpster just to be vile. 

I have had my locker broken into, my jacket taken of the hook on my bunk while I was asleep and my shoes stolen out from under my bed. Nothing is sacred! To be sure it’s not like that all the time, but cannot let the mellow times lull you into a false sense of security. It only takes one new person to come to upset the whole dynamics of the dorm. I think I mentioned in an earlier blog that I had a bunkmate that would hover over people and stare at them during the night. And she had this creepy laugh, she would sit up in her bed and laugh during the night, it sounded like it came right out of a horror movie, we never figured out if she was really nuts or just wanted to creep everyone out. Finally she threatened a staff member and that’s when the police was called to pick her up.

Right now we do not have any serious problems, just a few people that are out and out slobs and expect other to clean up after them, nothing unusual about that. 

The best thing to do is keep to yourself, be extremely aware of your surroundings and don't let your guard down. It is a very stressful and intense way to live and some stuff will still come up missing but at least you don't get robbed and only have to deal with acceptable pilferage.

Choose your option

Option 1 $10.00 Option 2 $25.00 Option 3 $50.00

Let freedom ring!

Well, it is 4th of July weekend and the craziness already started. People are setting of fireworks in the streets and acting goofy. I just came from the park, they close at 10PM and I have to be back at the shelter anyways. I tried to keep people from terrorizing the kitties too much and had some unexpected help from the Park Rangers.   They made a large group (about 30-40) leave the park because they were rowdy and had fireworks and hanging out by the mill, right near the kitty habitat. There are several large flocks of peacocks at the park that are not to fond of loud noise either and of course it has been very hot and dry and no fireworks or sparklers are permitted in the park, neither is alcohol and the ranger were out in force. And those boys did not play. I have seen several of them around the park and they know most of the cat people volunteers, so that worked out well.
Tomorrow a group of volunteers is hosting a BBQ at the shelter, and everyone is really looking forward to that but since I do not eat meat I think I will go to the bookstore or Starbucks and hang out. One of my former classmates (actually the only one that figured out my situation) mailed me a Starbucks gift card, I  helped her with a powerpoint presentation and she aced it, of course.  That was so sweet and thoughtful, she knows I "live" at Starbucks especially since I started to take some on-line classes.
I guess tomorrow morning will be another earth/kitten day with my trash/recycle bags, I know the park will be a mess and the kittens need another bag of food.. Yes, the gloves are in the car already LOL>
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, EVERYBODY!

Shelter Rules

One of the shelter rules is that you have to put in 15 hours per week of volunteer duties. It can be anything from working in the kitchen to doing laundry to cleaning communal bathrooms, mopping hallways, cleaning up the grounds. Well, like in most situations like this, a few people do most of the work while others sit on around and watch.

Families are asked to keep their rooms clean and are supposed to clean up after their children as well. Right now we have some huge families staying there (8+ children, your tax dollars at work) and most of their mothers have no control over them and they are running wild. The bad thing is even if children are well mannered when they get there, within a week they act just like the rest…..they seem to always find the lowest common denominator. While I used to enjoy being around children I am  getting rather jaded in my attitude, I am so tired of having my feet stepped on, getting run into and having my coffee spilled down the front of me or having a football bounced of my head while walking through the parking lot. 

When I worked in the kitchen a couple of Sundays ago, we had a community volunteer come in help prep and serve. She brought her 2 little girls, 5 and 9, they were there at 6AM and served breakfast, helped serve lunch at 11:30 and dinner which on the weekend is at 2:30PM. I was baking that day, stayed in my own area and really did not have a chance to work with the girls until we served dinner. The kids worked so hard and did such an excellent job. We serve quite a few dinners, usually over 200, because the shelter feeds street people at breakfast and dinner. These little girls somewhat restored my faith in the future, they were amazing. Especially the 5 year old, what a little trooper, putting in a10 hour day with no whining or complaining, working hard and doing a good job.  She had to have been exhausted but never once faltered.

It was really nice to see a parent teach children values, ethics and moral fortitude along with acceptable behavior and manners and all without yelling or speaking harshly. It raises my hopes again; the human race might have a sustainable future after all. 

All my problems are solved!

A couple of days ago I decide to post an ad on craig's list to see if I can get a part time job doing what ever to create some revenue. Well I think every scam artist globally checks Craig's list for people that desperately need jobs. But hey, I think my troubles are finally over. My new best friend from Nigeria is going to send me 28 million dollars and all I have to do is pay for the courier service, a mere $480.00. Just as soon as he gets my money, my 28 million are on the way. Do people actually fall for this........
Then of course there is the ever popular Personal Assistant scam, you get hired by  a company CEO by email, but you will be working for him personally and not the company and get paid $500.00 a week cash. Just send all your personal information and he will pay you 2 weeks salary in advance, only you have to cash his check for 5 or 6 thousand, keep your salary out and wire the rest of the money to some charity or orphanage in India or China.
So I had some comic relief, told all 20 or 30 prospective employers that my IQ was above room temperature (even on a hot day) and that 500.00 a week was not enough for a personal assistant to a CEO of a global company. Several actually upped the ante. How funny!

29 gifts is so much fun!

The "29 Gifts" group I joined is amazing. I think one of the things I appreciate most is that everyone is totally non-judgmental. I have had people here in town totally snub me when they found out I currently live in a shelter. After 5 or 6 month of working on committees for animal rescue projects together it was like I suddenly had a contagious disease. The only reason I am still part of the rescue group is because of the park cats but I am no longer involved in committees or invited to their meetings, let alone any homes. Hmmmm......people are amazingly shallow.
I am having so much fun with the 29 gifts program and I know it will only get better. Today is only day 4 for me and already see some positive changes.

29 Gifts

Today I joined a group called “29 Gifts”, well my membership is still pending approval, so I will have to wait.
It's a really cool idea, so check it outhttp://www.29gifts.org/  However I read the concept and I am going to give 29 gifts in 29 days even if they do not approve me.  I truly feel that doing positive things in the community can bring about a positive change. In a homeless shelter one can always use a positive change. People are stressed, on edge and short tempered and even though I am in the single women’s dorm I can see the children suffering.  It would be most helpful to have some counseling or group sessions for children, so they can voice their anxieties and their fears can be addressed.

After joining this group I am making an effort to edit my vision statement, once again!. But maybe I am being too critical and just need to post it and wait for feedback. I have never really shown it to anyone other than a friend and one of my professors, I think both showed bias.LOL.  However I feel very strongly that there has to a solution to homelessness in America, especially for mature women who have contributed to society all of their lives. 

Homelessness is everywhere........

Well, I just came across an article on CNN about a lady living in her car with her 2 dogs in Santa Barbara and then it hit me, the article is 2 YEARS old. May 20, 2008. It actually made international headlines.
CA: American Mom Forced to Live in Car With Dogs
Story Highlights
Mother of three grown children says, "This is my life in this car right now"
Santa Barbara, California, allows homeless to sleep in cars in 12 parking lots
Affluent city has seen a rise in homelessness during California's housing crisis
Advocate for homeless: "It's just amazing the people that are becoming homeless"
By Thelma Gutierrez and Wayne Drash
CNN

What really amazed me were the comments below the article, judging this lady for keeping her dogs, condemming her children for not helping, the article only mentions the youngest daughter, age 19, living with friends, so she would not be homeless as well. Even judging her for living in Santa Barbara, well it's where her job was, it's obviously were her youngest daughter went to school.  And as for her dogs, OMG, rip the only comfort she has left from her, why not! Women do not plan for these things to happen, and in this age group it cannot be attributed to wreckless behavior. Bad things can happen in everyones live and the older we get the more difficult it is to recouperate. I think it is amazing how she was able to keep up her spirits and still move forward. Too bad I have not been able to find a follow-up on the story, I could use a happy ending.......... It would give me hope for my future......

So, you want to know what it’s like living in a homeless shelter!


This is your day…………….. You sleep on metal bunk beds in a dorm with 40 other women. I think someone mentioned that the bunks were donated from the prison along with lockers when the prison had to replace theirs. Overhead fluorescent lights go on at 5AM, breakfast is at 6AM, the fare varies, from pancakes to cold cereal and milk, sometimes yoghurt and a piece of toast and fruit, lest we forget the ever popular biscuits and muck….ah gravy. This morning it was sausage, a hardboiled egg, yoghurt, milk and coffee. Of course there is always an abundance of the usual selection of 2 -3 day old doughnuts. Keep in mind this is a shelter for families as well as single women. So the kids usually go off to school on the “sugar high from hell” and the little ones are bouncing off the wall at the shelter, mothers are screaming, kids are running wild or crying, 20 people trying to get ready in the bathroom all at the same time………….trust me, this is not a lifestyle choice…….. Why mothers bring their children into the communal bathroom and get them ready is beyond me. Families have their own rooms they share with their children and could dress them and get them ready much easier in privacy. There are always several families with 8+ children, so with all these kids running around a communal bathroom brushing their teeth and getting their hair combed, even with 7 sinks, its craziness.

Shelter rules are mothers have to have their children with them at all times, so there are always boys that are way too old to be in the women’s bathroom standing around and there have been issues with boys peeking into bathroom stalls and showers. There are family bathrooms in the family area of the shelter but they are kept locked for the most part since drug paraphernalia was found and staff claims they are too difficult to monitor (from a chair).

I usually sleep in sweats, throw on a pair of running shoes in the morning, grab a change of clothes and I am off to the park. After my morning walk, I shower at the college gym and get ready for the day. I also watch for opening specials from new health clubs, some of offer 30 to 90 free trails……..hmmm……… I wonder if they would give a complementary membership to mature homeless women. I would probably be one of the few using their member ship daily, I just have not had the nerve to ask.

Lunch during the week is at 12PM on weekends at 11AM, it is usually leftovers from dinner the night before, reheated to varying degrees, sometimes frozen burritos, rice and beans or sandwiches and chips. I really don’t know since I am rarely there. I used to sign up for sack lunches to take to class with me, but it gets embarrassing to unwrap moldy bread and green lunchmeat in the college cafeteria, especially since I am vegetarian. Asking for a vegetarian lunch was not a popular request and I was told I would have to eat what everyone else gets. So on some days when I cannot afford to buy food, I do not eat.

Dinner is at 4:30 (2:30 on the weekend) and depending on who is in the kitchen it is sometimes pretty good. Again I usually have classes later than that so I am rarely there. I like the days when a lovely Indian family donates pots and pots of fabulous fragrant spicy Indian food, there are usually yummy curries and an awesome lentil dish, it’s the best and all vegetarian, which really works for me. Since the ethnic demographics at the shelter are leaning heavily toward Hispanics, Indian food is not in very high demand, except for us few vegeterians, so we actually can "pig out" and get plenty to eat. It's too bad the shelter will not allow us to freeze some of the leftovers in smaller containers for another day, it seems so wasteful..........

June 2, 2010


Well, we have made it to June and no Washer and Dryer in the single women’s dorm yet, I am so happy about that. I really think the whole mess got started over a couple of people complaining about not being able to do their own laundry. If they want to do their laundry that badly they can use a Laundromat or do what I do, I volunteer to do (family)laundry once a week, usually between 40 and 60 loads and do my laundry at the same time.

For families with children it poses a whole other set of problems.


When Dad got laid off, between saving, Mom’s salary and credit cards they might cover the mortgage payments and living expenses for a few months. The second car is now no longer considered a necessity and it will have to go for now, but Dad will get another job soon and everything will get back to normal. After 6 or 8 month Dad still does not have a job and the outlook is bleak. Mom is worn out from juggling the household and bills, the mortgage is behind and the one and only car is now a major burden, with license plates and insurance coming due and not enough money to go around. The kids are unhappy; there is no longer any money for the activities their friends are involved in, and all they want to know is when Dad is going back to work so they can have their live back. A year or so later the house is in foreclosure, everything that can possible be sold was sold and Mom and Dad and the kids are in the street, still desperately holding on to the car. The credit cards are maxed; they have exhausted all their friends and relatives and finally end up at the homeless shelter. Now is when the problems really begin, parents are still taking the kids to school in the old neighborhood at least to finish the school year (didn’t they move there because of the good schools to begin with?). The kids are told not to tell anyone they live in a shelter, it’s too embarrassing……..Mom and Dad don’t want the old neighbors to know….. It’s only till the end of the school year, we’ll figure something out over the summer…………… Now the children have to deal with their friends asking what happened to their house and where did they move too and can they have sleepovers at their new place………..! Kids are caught in the middle, suddenly they its O.K. to hide the truth from their friends and lie to their teacher and other adults. Sending these mixed messages confuses even the most well adjusted child and rarely has positive results. If the child finally breaks down and confides in his friends, the both parents will more than likely find out and the kid is in trouble for telling and will more than likely be ostracized by his friends. Living in a shelter still has a huge stigma attached and, unless the parents move to a new area, will haunt the children all through school. It is a no win situation and the children are always the victims. Sadly I have seen the results of both scenarios and the children are traumatized either way, which usually results in serious psychological and behavioral issues. Luckily homeless families with children do have options and there programs in place to get them relocated and situated in reasonable short order. They can apply for housing vouchers; get food stamps and aid for the children. The shelter will give them furniture and household supplies, depending on availability and there are many organizations and churches that will supply food baskets and clothing.While I am not minimizing the plight of homeless families, I really want to a shed light on the dire situations that face mature women without resources or employment.

After five long weeks of sleeping on camp cots in the cafeteria, while the administration along with the exterminators dealt with yet another bed bug epidemic, we are finally back in the dorm again. Everybody expected things to be back to normal, or at least as normal as it gets with 40 women in one room, but no such luck. Someone in their infinite wisdom decided to re-arrange the dormitory to where there are 3 inches between beds in the front half and a huge open space the size of a dance floor on the backside. When one of the ladies did not have enough room to even get to her bunk instead of going back to the old arrangement that worked for everyone, she was moved to a bunk in the back that afforded her more space. She was lucky because the shelter is not full right now, but what about the next person?

I wonder what the fire code says about the proximity of bunk beds in a dormitory environment and the width of passage ways. Have to research that……I know that it has to be more than 3 inches.

The powers to be have also decided to put a washer and dryer in the locker room. Operative word being A as in ONE, for 40 women, yeahh right. I can see that working out. Right now everyone has an assigned laundry day, they can bag and tag their clothing, it gets taking to the laundry room with commercial washers and dryers, it is washed and dried by assigned trained volunteers and is returned the same day.

However I really do not think there is much to worry about since the washer or dryer will get broken during the first couple of weeks and knowing how things work (or rather don’t work) around here it will become a doorstop and just take up space.

Introduction to Shelter Living

First off I would like to dispel a myth that all people in a homeless shelter are lazy and don’t want to work and live in a shelter by choice. While I am not disputing that for some it is a lifestyle and they travel from shelter to shelter, with various shelters buying bus tickets just to get them to move on, these people are in the minority. Most women, especially mature women, end up in a shelter because of a traumatic life changing event and are in the precarious position of having no resources left and no other place to go. It is usually a long term illness and subsequent death of a partner, parent or spouse, an ugly divorce after 20+years of marriage or the last straw in an ongoing abusive relationship. Sometimes just being laid off from work and not able to get other employment soon enough can cause one’s life to collapse. Whatever the case may be a homeless shelter is never a choice only a last resort. The agonizing decision to actually go to a homeless shelter only comes after all options, including suicide have been ruled out (at least for the moment) and it is never ever an easy one.Living in a shelter is not only depressing and demoralizing but it emphasizes the hopelessness of a desperate situation. It will crush your spirit and drag you down faster than anything else. Mature single women in a shelter are being warehoused..........stored, no one really knows what to do with them, there is no where for them to go, there is no support program in place, no one to talk to and no one to help figure out what to do with the rest of your life. Let’s face it in this economy college graduates with PhDs cannot find jobs and for women over the age of 55 it is impossible to get a job that pays a living wage, especially since many have been out of the workforce for several years. Too old to get a job, not old enough for social security (if even eligible), what can one do…….Shelters are designed as transitional housing, for a few days or weeks until other options are made available. For most mature women these options might not become available for months, possibly years. Currently their needs are not addressed by any program or organization. As Babyboomers reach that age group this social crisis will become more apparent than ever before.